peach rose

i dreamt about a former suitor last night. i haven't even been thinking about him (the last time i saw him was before i got married) and suddenly he appears in my dream. i was trying to figure out what possibly could have triggered this and the only thing i could come up with is that a batchmate from japan called me last sunday and this guy took graduate studies in japan. seems like a stretch but... whatever.

anyhow, the dream brought back a lot of memories. before i proceed, i'd like to say i am sure the guy is not on friendster -> not his type.

the first time i met him was in graduate school (in the philippines, not in japan). so it was the first day of class and we were classmates in one subject. after our class, i went to the university shopping center and there i bumped into him. only when he was already courting me did he tell me that he actually followed me to the place. huh? huh! : )

it is from this guy i first heard, "kung gusto, may paraan; kung ayaw, may dahilan." he dropped me that line one time he was asking me out and i was begging off, ha-ha

and then, before he went to japan, he reappeared at the house after a long absence and when i asked what brought him back, he replied with, "yayayain sana kitang magpakasal."

i was like, "huh!!!??? di ba dapat girlfriend muna bago kasal?!"

another time he came back from japan, he called the office asking me out. i said i can't as i was already getting married in a few months. at the other end of the line, i could feel his shock as he kept muttering, "bakit???!!!"

and the first and only time i ever saw my husband flare up, it was because of him. i was already married for quite a while and one time i casually told my husband, "du'n sa e-mail ni _____ ...."

i wasn't able to finish the sentence anymore -> from 0 to 100 in a fraction of a second, my husband flared up, angrily asking, "nag-e-e-mail pa ba kayo ng _____ na 'yan?!"

i said yes, explaining there's nothing wrong with it.

my husband, in what was already a calm but nevertheless rather firm tone, told me he doesn't like it.

the dutiful wife that i was, i abruptly cut off communication with the guy, someone who's been in my life ten years before i even met my husband. (uh-oh, sorry, friends. i go by priorities. if my man does not like you, i'm going to drop you. i'm thinking you'd understand if i choose my man over you. but i doubt my man would understand if i choose my friends over him...)

most notable:

i do pray a lot but i'm not really the type to ask God for signs. true, i've often decided by signs, but these are either signs i did not explicitly ask for or ones i propose to myself. the former, something's up and all i pray for is discernment. the latter, trivial ones like, i'd say if upon walking out the door, i see a girl, then i'd go to this place. if it's a boy, i'd go home : }

one of the rare times i actually prayed to God for a sign, come to think of it, the only time i could recall i did, i asked Him to give me a sign as to which suitor should be my choice. the sign i asked for was a peach rose. i've received red, pink and white roses but no one has ever given me any of the other colors. (not that i like flowers; actually, i don't. at least, not the ones that have already been picked. i'd rather have them on the ground, planted.)

now, this guy has regularly been giving me red roses. within days after i asked God for a sign, he shows up at the house with peach roses!!! i was stunned! i ask him how come his roses were peach. he said the seller ran out of red. imagine!!!

i should have taken my cue from there but i faltered, thinking, personality-wise, we really didn't seem a match. i've actually told him this before and he simply replied that he'd be the one to adjust (aw, sweet!). i thought that would be hard for him so i declined.

all the time that he was courting me, the guy was actually my crush. a schoolmate was telling me many others had a crush on him as he was tall, dark and handsome. the thing is, i couldn't see us as a couple. he was too serious for shallow, little me. granted i make it a point to do my share to make the world a little better somehow but, unlike him, i don't really enjoy discussing the world economy and stuff in my spare time. i cringe at the thought my life would be too serious and too dry, my activities, too restricted, if i end up with him : }

i asked for a sign and i didn't heed it.  times like this, i couldn't help but wonder about what could have been...