what drives you?

i was at a wake and was talking to one of the bereaved...  he said his late mom's room (at the house) is just as she left it...  they haven't touched her things (she passed away at the hospital)...

that's actually what i've been hearing from those who've suffered a loved one's loss...  they leave the departed's stuff as is for sometime...

stark contrast to something i encountered for the first time in my life last year...  someone unexpectedly passed away and within the not-even-week-long wake, my mom was already handing me and my sisters pictures taken by the one who died...  no, he did not bequeath them to us...  the deceased's daughter gave my mom the pictures  ->  not just our family's but even others'  ->  for distribution...

i refused to take the pictures...  i said the one who took them is still lying in state...  i don't feel like getting his things...  more so since he died at his house...

(ironically, however, i ended up distributing the pics (and letters and docs) myself...  my mom, who too was grieving, was not able to attend to it...  for three months, the items were just at my parents' house until my mom asked me to bring them to the houses of the intended recipients...  i balked...  the departed's daughter has a maid who passes by those houses when she fetches the granddaughter from school.  why not let her deliver the stuff herself?  why did the daughter have to course them through my mom?  my mom insisted i just be the one to do it as it's been at their house too long...  so there i was, not wanting to touch my own pics taken by the departed, but carrying stuff from the same deceased to be given to other people...)

after the wake, still within the novena for the dead, i saw a multi-page document littering the alley...  i recognized the departed's sister's handwriting so i called the neighbor (daughter of the one who passed away) to ask whether it is theirs...  it is theirs alright  ->  her late dad's...  she said she was sorting his stuff and it must have flown away...

then within three months from the father's death, the daughter already had his house demolished and rebuilt...

i must say i found the behavior unsettling...  but people do have different ways of coping...  there are those who take things slow...  and there are those who purge in haste...  regardless of speed, what matters is what is in the heart...


leaving a wake with my mom...  a dear family friend rushed to us, greeted my mom then, pointing to a guy at his table, told me:  'that guy is also from <neighborhood>...  he says he sees you whenever you buy pan de sal at the store...'

me:  'haha...  you know, either he's mistaken or he's outright lying...  i don't buy pan de sal there...  it's dad and <brother> who do...'

; p

with you in spirit

i was (late-)uploading photos of a nephew's song number at an aunt's birthday celebration last night. during the upload, facebook auto-tagged some people and, as is my wont, i untagged them. (i don't usually tag people unless they ask.)

so i was removing album tags and i saw a late uncle's name! (he unexpectedly passed away last september.)

i checked the pics. he was tagged in only one photo. the tag was attached to another uncle's/his brother's face.

i took a screenshot of the auto-tag.

i was thinking whether i should remove it. i decided to just keep it.

of course there is a logical explanation to the tag: his resemblance to his brother must have thrown off the face-recognition algorithm.

still, i'd like to go by the explanation of the heart: he was present during his sister's birthday celebration and watched his grandson's performance. you know what the grandson did? he lip-synced "i don't wanna miss a thing"... <3


yesterday i saw what looked like a roll-on littering the alley...  the name of this multinational company came to mind...  after that, 'blog'...

ahahaha...  word associations...  ; )

i googled what deodorant the company carries...  in the process i saw that this ice cream brand is theirs as well...

today i saw a tub of their ice cream at my parents' house...  i've been seeing ice cream there all my life and it has always been just ice cream to me...  now for the first time, i see a tub and this multinational company enters my mind, followed by 'blog'...

i find it weird...  and amusing...

i'm sure there are others who won't feel the same...  i even know someone who would definitely dread the thought...

well, we each have our demons (luckily or not, my demons tend to be follies of the heart)...  i can smile at this one because it is not mine...


i unexpectedly saw the neighbor's brother today.

i asked him whether i told him about the arrival of these balikbayan aunt and cousin.

he said yes.

i asked whether he's sure he heard me.

he said yes.

i asked whether it angered him.

the guy looked puzzled and answered no.

i asked whether it scared him.

still looking puzzled the guy asked why it would.

he was about to explain why they were not able to attend the party but i cut him short asking whether informing him about the cousin's arrival was an issue with him.

the guy looked like he couldn't grasp why i was asking these questions still he said no.

well, i told him it was an issue with his sister.

[it triggered a message, imagine!  two messages, actually.  plus repeated off-the-mark verbal explanations that she and the cousin are okay.  gah!  i never said they're not okay!  why so defensive???]


some things are just like litmus paper, the color it takes depends on what it comes in contact with.

i told both the neighbor and her brother that the cousin was arriving.  i think it's safe to say that the information did not bother the brother.  but it did his sister.

tell me why.