not my story

last year yet, when the movie came out, my officemates have been urging me to watch the movie 'one more chance' starring bea alonzo and john lloyd cruz.  now i am not really a movie person.  in the last five years, i can count with my fingers the movies i've watched and, in the recent past, the only ones i actually felt like watching were 'madagascar' and 'charlie and the chocolate factory.'  both movies i wasn't able to watch though as, in spite of repeated pleadings, to the point of nagging even, ha-ha, the one i wanted to watch them with dismissed them as kiddie flicks.  (an aunt told me later i should just have watched them with someone else.  looking back now, yeah, maybe i should just have.)

last week, the same officemates asked me whether i watch tagalog movies.  i was taken aback by the question and replied, "bakit naman hindi?" (why would i not?).  they said they were going to lend me a video of 'one more chance.'  i chuckled, saying i didn't really have time to watch movies at this point.  (would you believe i haven't turned on the TV at my place since i got back from vacation?  that is close to a month now.  i do get to watch TV when i go to my parents' place though.)  they said i should squeeze it in as the movie really suits me and it sure will make me cry.  the statement made me laugh and, although i'm not really inclined to watch anything that will make me cry, the movie suddenly piqued my interest, ha-ha-ha.  i wondered what on earth these officemates, my daily lunchmates, were thinking about my life for them to make such a statement.

friday afternoon, just before going home from the office, one of them handed me a video of the movie (oops, is that redundant?)

the following day, my sister and i watched it.  (i was out late friday night so i slept over at my parents' place.)  hmmm, the movie did make me shed some tears, but not really because scenes hit home or something.  i am actually just the type who sheds tears hearing some sentimental song or reading some heartwarming story regardless of whether i could identify with the lyrics or the protagonists.  there is such a thing as empathy and i shed tears not necessarily for myself.

three things i remember from the movie:

1.  the three-month-rule, i.e., you're supposed to wait at least three months after a break-up before going into another relationship.  now this is the first time i ever heard of this.  i don't know whether this is an old idea or an original one from the movie.  i'll google this later, ha-ha...

2.  the guy, learning much later that the guy he assumed to be his girl's new man never really became his girl's guy, chided a common friend for not telling him and was met with the retort, "hindi ka naman nagtanong." (but you never asked.)  yup, assumptions can cost you and sometimes all we have to do is ask.

3.  "she loved me at my worst.  you had me at my best... and you chose to break my heart..."  ugh! sad : }

anyhow, let me clarify, hello, my dear officemates, this movie is not my story.  maybe you're hoping it will be but i'm thinking some other movie maybe... ; )

looking after me

for the longest time i've put so many people before me, i.e., accommodating their convenience and likes and dislikes even if it went against what i actually felt like doing at the time. it didn't matter whether i was tired, whether it was inconvenient for me, whether i didn't like it, whether i had to forego something i liked.

through all this, there were those who knew how to reciprocate (not that i expect anyone to), there were those who never really noticed and there were those who went overboard -> the more you gave, the more they pulled in.

we've all heard of 'give and give till it hurts.' boy, did i practice that. i gave and gave and gave till something inside me bled to death.

well, these past few months i've gone into what i'd call my intolerant phase. sometime back i told myself i am not going to put up anymore with people and things i didn't like unless i really had to. i'm being good to myself now, the way i've been good to others before. i'm accommodating myself, taking care of myself -> i'm looking after me. i don't know whether this is good or bad. at the back of my mind, however, is the commandment 'love your neighbor as you love yourself.' it could have just been 'love your neighbor.' but no, it had '... as you love yourself.' i never really paid attention to that part before, now i'm giving it some thought. i hope it leads me someplace good...