looking after me

for the longest time i've put so many people before me, i.e., accommodating their convenience and likes and dislikes even if it went against what i actually felt like doing at the time. it didn't matter whether i was tired, whether it was inconvenient for me, whether i didn't like it, whether i had to forego something i liked.

through all this, there were those who knew how to reciprocate (not that i expect anyone to), there were those who never really noticed and there were those who went overboard -> the more you gave, the more they pulled in.

we've all heard of 'give and give till it hurts.' boy, did i practice that. i gave and gave and gave till something inside me bled to death.

well, these past few months i've gone into what i'd call my intolerant phase. sometime back i told myself i am not going to put up anymore with people and things i didn't like unless i really had to. i'm being good to myself now, the way i've been good to others before. i'm accommodating myself, taking care of myself -> i'm looking after me. i don't know whether this is good or bad. at the back of my mind, however, is the commandment 'love your neighbor as you love yourself.' it could have just been 'love your neighbor.' but no, it had '... as you love yourself.' i never really paid attention to that part before, now i'm giving it some thought. i hope it leads me someplace good...