wake up

guy tells me his girlfriend stresses him out...  he says instead of making him happy, she too very often makes him mad.

me:  'you know, you should examine what makes you mad...  is it something within her control?  you shouldn't get mad at people for things that are beyond their control...  for example, it rains then there's heavy traffic and it irks you...  don't blame it on her...  it's not her fault it rained...  now if it's something she willfully did or failed to do, then ok, get mad at her.

go over the things that made you mad...  this one she could have done but did not do or did but should not have.  okay, that's minus one point.  this one there was nothing she could have done to avoid,  don't count it against her.'

then guy tells me he broke up with his previous girlfriend because she told him she dreamt he had someone else.

me:  'what?!  you broke up with a girl because of a dream?!  she has no control over what she dreams about, hello!'

guy:  'but it wasn't true!'

me:  'precisely!  it's just a dream...  it doesn't necessarily mean it's true!'

guy:  'i was so busy...  i was studying...  i was working so hard...  i was barely getting any sleep and then that's what she thinks about?!'

me:  'you, can you control your dreams?  maybe exceptional people can but normally no...  you dream what you dream...  that's it!  you don't end a relationship because your girlfriend dreamed about this or that!'

nightmare boyfriend...  gah!