burned

let me start by saying this blog is my diary.  you don't want to be part of it, you stay out of my life.

if you are in my circle by force of circumstance then i can leave you out.

but if you enter my circle by choice, as in, i'm ignoring you but you keep on popping back, take the risk that what happens to us will appear in my journal.

in october last year, a high school classmate suddenly invited 3 of us from the batch to dinner.  i was surprised i was among the invitees.  we were not close in high school, we never hang out, and we've seen each other maybe only thrice after graduation (1981); the last time, years ago.

then november she invited again, dinner again, again a very small group -> she says she's choosy with company.

then december she receives an e-mail from someone hiding under an alias.  she seeks my help in finding out who the sender was.  i find out and tell her.

later over the phone, we were talking and i somehow spilled that i was actually there when the stuff relayed in the sender's e-mail was said.  she demands details.  what exactly was said, who said what, who the people present were, what their reactions were, etc.  i wouldn't tell her.

she kept on insisting i give details.  i kept on refusing.  then she went ballistic.  if you are my friend, you would tell me!  you should have told me early on, defended me, blah, blah, blah!  me, i'm going to die/kill for my friends!  you, you probably were laughing with the rest of them while all these things were being said!  you should have stopped the blabber!  i thought you were good, i was wrong!  i don't like you!  i'm out of your life, you're out of mine, blah-blah-blah!  she was yelling and ranting at me as if she owned my soul! i cut short the call.  (context:  the blabbing happened in september.  we got reacquainted only in october.)

she texts me shortly thereafter.  more angry words.

i text back 3 things:

1.  i am not one to spread bad stuff.  all i'll do maybe is warn you about someone.  but give details, i won't.

(note:  i'm giving details now because this is something that concerns me.  in her case, she wanted details about something that concerned her and some other people.  that's not something that would come from me.)

2.  i am not going to impose myself on people who don't like me

3.  i am not going to put up with people i don't like

following morning, there's more in e-mail.  i don't reply and ignore her henceforth.

later she sends conciliatory e-mail, updates me on her exchanges with the incognito e-mail sender, apologizes, sends friendly texts (when i was on vacation, when i got back, when she was on vacation, etc.).  i pretty much don't respond.

i do accept her apologies.  but then what she did to me changes the equation altogether.  i've been nice to her all along.  accommodating her requests (call me, call me, call me) even during office hours.  that is not something i normally do.  and then this?!

no way am i going to exert extra effort for her now.  if i'm going someplace and she's there, fine.  but going someplace because she is there, nope.

she has again reappeared in my life.  and displayed once again reactions that made me go "huh?!"

we've gone through life without each other for years.  i don't see why we should inflict ourselves on each other now.