no more i-love-you's

i learned something a little too late...

decades back this guy said he loved me...  i didn't know how to react...

i'd say my life would be different had some of his actions also been different...  certain things he said made me uncomfortable so i decided to pursue a different path...

years later we bumped into each other again...  i don't remember much about that chance encounter anymore...  i just know it was very brief, we didn't really get to talk and i have this memory of a sunlit parking lot with me lipreading from afar as the guy whispered 'i love you'...

i also remember he called me one-time at the house, in the time of land lines and no cell phones, and i froze as he said he loved me with my mom just a few feet away from the phone...

in the recent past we bumped into each other again...  the chance encounter amuses me up to now...  we were going in opposite directions at escalators at opposite sides of the mall when he saw me...  he excitedly called out to me and animatedly shouted for me to wait for him...  his escalator was going up, mine was going down...  he rushed to the top, unmindful of the other people he was bumping, all the while keeping his eyes on me as i was approaching the landing...  i was afraid he'd trip, hahaha...

we chatted a bit...  and then we both went to our respective cars...  my phone rang as i was already on the road while he was still just coming out of the parking lot...  it was him asking where i was...  he wanted to follow me...  i declined...

he went on to send me messages after that...  this time, i was already at ease with such attention...  older and wiser, i could now handle them with aplomb, hahaha...

then i changed my numbers...  i did not furnish him...  i dunno whether he continued to send me messages...  if he did, maybe he thought i was simply ignoring them...

now i learn that he has passed away...  too soon to loved ones maybe...  in God's perfect time for sure...

i'm not sure whether i regret not keeping in contact...  had i known his days were numbered i guess i would have been more accommodating...  i would have tried to make his remaining days happier without stepping any bounds...  i could have hugged him for the first and last time, at least...

well, there is such a thing as too late...

i just take consolation in the thought that my keeping distance made him a little purer somehow...

prayers for a loving man...