burn a death, jeer all

last december, i was sweeping the alley between my brother's and this neighbor's house and i found myself trying to remove soil from the gutter in my brother's side of the street.  that was also the case the previous day.  now i sweep the alley everyday so i know that is something new.

coincidentally, i did see a broken pot with disproportionately little soil behind the neighbor's garbage bin.

when i went to my parents' place, i asked my dad whether he was the one dumping soil in the gutter.

my dad was irked.  'why would i dump soil in the gutter?!'

me:  'there's a broken pot outside.  is that yours?'
(my dad has plants.  the broken pot, however, is smaller than the pots my dad has.  still, i wanted to be sure so i asked.)

dad:  'was a pot broken?  i don't know of any broken pots.  where is it?'

me:  'behind the trash bin of <neighbor>.'

my dad then ordered me to go to the neighbor's and talk to them about the gutter.  he said the neighbor has been making the gutter a dumping place ("ginagawa nilang tapunan!").

true.  i've witnessed it myself  ->  spanning years!

nevertheless, i told my dad to just ask my mom to tell the neighbors instead.

my mom was just there, scrolling on her phone, not saying anything.

my dad kept on asking me.

i kept on declining and telling him to tell my mom instead.

finally, my dad stood up and was going to walk to the neighbor's himself.

my mom suddenly panicked and stopped him:  'don't!  don't!  i'll just text <neighbor>!'

so my dad went back to his seat.

a couple of days later, i saw the neighbor through their window and my dad in the alley just outside the neighbor's gate.

i called out to my dad, '<neighbor> is here!  you tell her yourself what you wanted me to tell her the other day...'

then i called the neighbor, '<toot>!  my dad has something to tell you...'

the neighbor replied, 'i'm eating!'

me:  'it won't take long...'

the neighbor repeated she's eating.

the neighbor's friend, the one who wanted to and did go swimming in the pool at our house in the province the previous month,  butts in, 'she's eating!'

i again say it won't take long.

one after the other they both go, 'can't it be later?!  i'm/she's eating!'

imagine!  the distance between their dining table and the gate is just around 2 to 3 meters.  passing through the door, she'd have to walk a total of not even 10 meters!  but no, she won't come out.  my dad ended up giving instructions to her maid instead.

confronted about it later, the neighbor says she did not come out because she did not know my dad was there.

i go, 'how could you not know my dad was here when he was right here [i demonstrate my dad's position beside their gate]?  he's been talking with the carpenter!  i could hear his voice from my bed!  all the more that you could from there!'

she says she did not see him.

you ordered your maid to talk to him and you did not see him?!

she then says she did not come out because she heard my dad say, "tama na." (stop it already.)

[when she was refusing to come out, my dad eventually said, "tama na.  tama na.  tutal nag-text na ang nanay."
->  stop it.  stop it.  anyway, mom has texted [the neighbor].

my mom actually has a track record of sugar-coating and even suppressing our complaints.  i therefore asked the neighbor whether my mom texted her.

the neighbor's reply was no.


i blurt out, "ang tanga naman nu'n!"
->  that is stupid!

if in the first instance (january 13, 2018 blog) i could apologize for labelling her action stupid, in this case i emphatically repeat the call.  she heard my dad talking and yet she did not know that he was there?!  if that is not stupid, what is it?  a lie?  insanity?

i yell at her her father is buried in my dad's nephew's land and she could not even get up to talk to him?!  he is [86 years] old, for heaven's sake!

her reply?  "so kailangan bang ilipat???"
->  so do we have to transfer [her dad's remains]???


me:  "that is not the point!  alangan namang hukayin ninyo 'yun du'n!  the point is ni hindi ka mangabalang lumabas sandali samantalang 'yung tatay mo forever nang nakalibing sa lupa ng pamangkin ng tatay ko!"
->  that is not the point!  don't tell me you're going to dig him up!  the point is you didn't even bother to come out for a while when your dad will already forever lie in my dad's nephew's lot!

i added my mom was even making arrangements for her dad's funeral!  my dad told her that time:

"ba't ikaw ang nag-hahasikaso niyan?
tatay nila 'yan.
ang dami nila, kababata, kalalakas.
bakit ipinapasa sa matanda?"

->  how come you're the one taking care of that?
that's their father.
they're many, young and strong.
why pass it on to someone old?
[my mom was 79.  the bereaved neighbors, 45 and younger.]

the parts my mom could not handle, she passed on to me.  the neighbor should know this.  i was the one who asked her for (and, when she gave me questionable figures, personally checked) the measurement of her dad's urn so the ones in the province would know what size hole to bore in the existing tomb.  when my mom could not hear what the person on the other end was saying, i was the one who took the phone to talk to the person.

were they devastated to the point of incapacity?  well, the daughter was actually sorting through and giving away her dad's stuff even when her dad was still lying in state!  appalling!  why the rush?  is it because they were in a hurry to demolish and rebuild his house?  three months after the dad's death there actually already was a new house on his property.  the daughter has been saying it's what the dad wanted.


i was talking to the dad march 30, 2017, less than 3 months before he died.  true he was mad at the disturbances of the building across but the most important point is he was feeling pressured to leave because the moment his house is rebuilt he has to vacate the place.

messages have timestamps.  on june 29, 2015 (!), the neighbor/daughter furnished me a letter she intended to send someone.  her parents were still very much alive that time.  in that letter she said they intend to start adding a second floor to her dad's house so they could transfer right away.  she said she has asked the ones who will handle the construction how long it will take.  she said she was told 3 months.  she said they need to build three floors because the space is small and they are many.

as far as i know the letter was not sent because i was able to dissuade her. but the fact remains that she did write such a letter as early as 2015.

the house as currently built is not 3 floors.  it is unoccupied up to now.  but the point is she wanted the house rebuilt for herself.  the dad made the offer for them to transfer to his place? why? because of her play-underdog-routine!

the dad's sister offered to build him a new house there years back.  he won't have to spend a cent.  everything will be shouldered by the sister including rental for his temporary living quarters.  but no, he declined.  he was younger then.  stronger.  healthier.

jump to 2017.  he is older.  weaker.  not in the pink of health.  the dad has been living in the same house for years and suddenly he is pressured to leave.  he was actually trying to find a place to rent and pay for with his own money!  imagine, 73 years old and you suddenly have to look for a place in which to live!

they keep on citing something else as the reason.  well, days before he died the dad was still holding this document lacking someone's signature.  as in, the daughter even assigned to the dad the task of securing the necessary signature. the moment that person signs, construction will start. the dad would have to move out.  well, he did not have to transfer residences anymore because he unexpectedly passed away.

while living they couldn't wait to ease the dad out of his own home.  in death they pass on arrangements for his resting place to someone else.  it is their last chance to make amends!  it is their last hurrah for their dad!  is it because they're grieving?  my mom was grieving, too! 

the neighbor says my mom volunteered.

me:  'she did?'

neighbor:  'ay, no...  it was the sisters who volunteered.'

me:  'they did?'

neighbor:  'ay, no...  the sisters just talked among themselves, i was not part of it, ("sila-sila lang nag-usap, hindi ako kasali") and someone suggested to just entomb with the parents because i don't have a plot...'

me:  'what have you done to get a plot?  a plot does not just materialize from nowhere.  did my mom have a plot?  no!  it's my dad's nephew who has.'

she says the youngest aunt volunteered to help her and even hugged her after the funeral saying, 'see...  we pulled this off...'

okay.  so what has that got to do with the point?  the point is my dad through his nephew provided a final resting place for your dad and you would not even bother to get up to talk to him!

last night her husband again meanly messages me in facebook indignantly asking whether i would say the same thing about the elder brother.  the brother passed away three months after her dad and was also laid to rest in the same tomb.

hello!  the answer is a resounding NO.  please!  your analogy is flawed!  you are NOT in the same league.  i am sure, even if my dad has not done anything for them, this other daughter would have gone out to talk to him.  the rude, greedy, lying neighbor (yes, i can support every single one of those adjectives with verifiable facts) for whom my dad has done so much did not.  she relegated him to the maid.

the actions won't be the same.  the reactions, too, won't be the same.

this neighbor should stop playing victim to circumstances she herself created.  she was rude and off the mark.  that is part of the story.  don't leave them out when she tells her tale.

it's bad enough to be behaving the way she did.  it's worse that she tries to spin the story to make themselves look good.  it's worst that she tries to do so at the expense of others.

when i was talking to the neighbor's dad less than three months before he died, the dad had unflattering things to say about his son-in-law:

"hindi naman kasali, nakiki-komento sa bentahan."
->  he's not part of it yet he makes comments about the sale [of his wife's late grandparents' property]

"mula nang ikasal, kay <daughter> na umasa ng tirahan."
->  since the wedding, depended on <daughter> for a house

"tuwing may problema, kay <daughter> iniaasa ang solusyon."
->  everytime there's a problem, relies on <daughter> to come up with a solution

okay.  knowing this couple's shoot-the-messenger-mentality, they will again get mad at me.  just as annoying, they will again try to give me illogical explanations that miss the point.  for the record, i am simply stating what the dad told me.  if there's any explaining to do, they explain to the departed dad.

this is what happens when you have someone who tries to play ultra-pitiful underdog.  you try to get someone's sympathy and in the process, wittingly or unwittingly, end up putting others in a bad light, in this case, your own husband.  too late to correct the impression now.  whisper to the dead.

funeral arrangements they had to pass to my mom.  but locating their prospective inheritance they could do on their own.

years back when the dad was still alive, this couple was able to go to the province on their own to check this parcel of land which the dad would be leaving behind when he dies.  they went there without so much as a say-so to my mom who they very well know goes there regularly (my mom sends them goodies upon her return).  i tell the neighbor my mom told me then she was surprised to see them there.

she says she does not remember seeing my mom.

i tell her my mom told me they accidentally saw each other and my mom was telling me she and her husband were able to ask around and find someone who could help them locate the dad's property.

not informing my mom about their trip to the province seems odd.  this neighbor texts my mom about all sorts of things (she takes pride in saying she is like a daughter to my mom).  going to my mom's turf she forgets to tell her?

she tells me it was her dad who told them to visit the site because he was already starting to feel unwell.  oh, that makes it doubly odd.  both she and her dad did not inform my mom about the provincial trip?  her dad calls my mom about things major and minor.  i know because i'm the one who usually answers the phone.  my laptop is just 18 inches away from the extension phone at the second floor and diagonally above the main phone at the first floor.  he sends his beloved daughter to unfamiliar territory and he does not inform my mom who regularly goes to the place?

she says they went because this uncle got mad at the caretaker and told her dad to check the site.

if i remember right that is a more recent occurrence.  later than when they went to the province.  i could be wrong but so far my memories of chronology have been matching with timestamps.  the neighbor's?  off by years!  she has messaged me incidents plotted in the wrong sequence and she's been making excuses and finding causalities where the causes come after the effects.  insane.

anyway, what has the uncle getting mad at the caretaker got to do with not informing my mom about the provincial trip?  i'm not saying they should update my mom about everything they do.  actually my mom has nothing to do with their prospective inheritance.  but given everything that they've bothered to inform her about before, it just seems highly unusual that they would not even mention to her this provincial trip.

sooner or later, more truths will come to light.  better discard the pretenses.  don't wait to get exposed.

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